Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
my baby is 4 and she should not have to be dealing with such grown up emotions and stuff. i feel so guilty. i know people say not to feel guilty that this will teach her so many things that will be so important to her later in life, but I cannot help but feel guilty over her loss of innocence. 4 months ago she was the happiest healthiest most obedient happy go lucky kid and now this. I agonize every day over the decisions we have made that brought us to this point. will it all be ok in the end? I don't know. will my daughter be a better more compassionate human being because of what we are all going through right now? I don't know. anyway. there aren't any more people that we can think of that it would be important for her to get the ok from to go to God so we are hoping now that she will go peacefully in her sleep in the next few days so that she is no longer in pain, no longer confused and for us that we may get on with the process of grieving her loss and then rebuilding our family.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
There are not many things I can change at this point, for various reasons, but the one thing I can change is my attitude. I can choose to take the situation that I am in and say ok, what am I going to learn from this? How am I going to grow from this? I can also choose to not let so many things get to me. I know that will be easier said than done, but I am going to make the effort from today forward.