Thursday, February 16, 2012

Processing...


So I've decided that the hardest part of going through all this infertility stuff is realizing that I am the problem. I am the thing that has been preventing us from having a second baby for all these years. Now, granted I can't control the fact that I have PCOS, but I can control (or at least try to control) my weight gain/loss. Is it harder to control weight when you have PCOS, yes definitely. You gain extra weight because of it and you have to try twice as hard as the next person to take it off. But I shouldn't have let that be an excuse for so long.

I've really been thinking about what the DR said the other day and while he is right about a few things I also think that because he doesn't know me, had never met me before, has never seen my previous medical records that some of what he was saying were assumptions on his part and that is what pisses me off. I'm overweight, yes. Anyone who looks at me can see that. However I have said it before and I will say it again that just because you are thin doesn't make you healthy just the same, being overweight doesn't make you unhealthy (totally).

I workout almost everyday for more than 2 hours. I am very active. I count calories and watch what I am eating to make sure that I am making healthy choices vs just what's quick and easy. I do not have any weight related health issues like diabetes, high blood pressure or things that are typically associated with overweight people. I am healthier than a lot of people half my size or less. But because you can see my size it is assumed that I sit around all day long eating cookies and ice cream and just being lazy.

That makes me want to scream!! Am I making progress on my weight loss, yes slowly but surely I am. But I feel like it's not happening fast enough for anyone else to see the outside progress I am making. I know that I see changes in my body and people who are close to me can see the changes, but I feel like for everyone else they just look at me and see my size and make all of their judgments about me right there without digging any further and that bothers me, a lot.

So I'm trying to figure out what I can do differently to make my workouts more effective, what I can change in my diet to fuel my body better. I have a really good friend who is going to school to be a nutrionist and she is already a yoga instructor and personal trainer. She has agreed to help me come up with a meal plan and workout to get things heading in the right direction faster. I am so grateful for my friends and family who are so supportive and encouraging to me. I know it would be so much harder if I didn't have a great support system, so to all my friends and family THANK YOU!!! If any of my readers find yourself in a similar position but don't have the support system, send me an email or leave me a comment and I will be happy to support you and encourage you! ♥


4 comments:

  1. sorry about the dr :( he sounds like such a jerk! I know you are trying hard and you are on your way! I was going to suggest a way to make your workouts better was maybe if you have the money you could get a trainer! It sounds like you know someone who does it already so that should really help! Good luck, i am behind you all the way! :)

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  2. I gained 73 pounds while I was pregnant with my daughter. I didn't have gestational diabetes, I was just over-eating and lazy because I was slightly depressed about losing my freedom. (Silly really, considering how much I love what she's done for my quality of life.) Anyway, I was huge. Then last year I lost almost all of it. My daughter is 4, by the way, so it had been a while. And I didn't do anything on purpose. I know that sounds silly and probably not very helpful, but I'm a big believer in mind over matter. Now I had given up on losing weight. I just accepted my body as normal and natural and accepted it for what it was. I dressed up regardless and got out ans started enjoying life. I didn't feel like hiding anymore. Then people started telling me I looked good. What? I hopped on the scale and OMG I lost 20 pounds. 30. 40. It was a great feeling.

    And now I'm active. I've always hated working out and actually made fun of people who worked out regularly. I had my own assumptions about people who had gym memberships. But I like being complemented. And I wanted to keep myself looking good because it was a miracle I lost so much weight simply getting over feeling like a "loser." I do something everyday. I don't have a gym membership, but I do those fast 4 minutes workouts and stuff. And I started running this week. If I can keep it up for a few months I'm going to invest in a gym. We'll see...

    I just wanted to reply with this because although being a heavier woman can effect your fertility, being positive about your life will effect it more. Stress also hurts the baby making process. Did you know that? Continue doing what you're doing. Your friend is amazing for wanting to help you out! Just try not to be so down about it. You're perfect the way you are and the sooner you realize it the sooner you'll be happier.

    (My mom is overweight and people used to tease me about ti at like parents night and school functions. They didn't know she had a thyroid problem and assumed all those nasty things about her as well. Although it wasn't me really being teased, I got a lot of flac for having a "fat mom." People can be rude for sure.)

    PS: Have you considered adoption? I know it's different, but there are tons of children out there who desperately need mothers and fathers.

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    1. Damn I didn't know I wrote so much. Sorry about that. :/

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  3. You're doing great Chrissy! So proud of you!! :)

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