I remember when I first got married, almost 10 years ago now, there were people who said that our sex life would go downhill after the wedding...and there were others who said it would only get better. After all these years, I can safely say that we have had periods of both. Just trying to be honest here. Things happen, life happens, kids happen, stress, jobs, family, bills, cars and a billion other things. It all depends on you and your spouse and the importance of a physical connection in YOUR marriage.
I was raised in a family and religion where sexuality and sensuality were never talked about, and when they were it was to condemn them. I know I'm not alone in the way I was raised, but I honestly don't think that is the right message to send to young men or women. When it came time to start figuring out who I was and what I believed as an individual and apart from how my parents raised me, I knew that I believed there was nothing wrong or shameful for women to be sensual and sexual and to express those parts of myself in the appropriate settings.
Do I think that the way I was raised effected certain decisions I've made regarding sex and relationships, absolutely. But I don't have any regrets because I've learned and grown from every single *mistake or choice, I've made. And each choice brought me closer to where I needed to be to be ready to meet the man who would become my husband.
When we first got married, sex was easy. I mean, there were no kids around to try and work around. We were young and there was no 'bad' time for sex. For me, one of the most important things for me to do before sex is to make sure that I look good, smell good, feel good and have taken plenty of time for personal hygiene about myself.
For me, that means making sure my nails are well manicured (hands and feet!! don't forget your feet for God's sake, ladies!), that my makeup looks hot (yes, I said hot. to me there is a big difference in how you do your makeup when you are trying to set certain moods for your intimate time - you can be innocent, girl next door, siren, porn star - and all of these will set the entire mood for your sexy time, play around with your looks and see how it makes YOU feel different). I tend to go for more of the sexy, siren, porn star type makeup looks because to be honest, it is SO far from how I feel in everyday life as a stay at home mom and wife. Let's face it, there are days I don't have time to shower, let alone do makeup and hair. I don't leave my yoga pants and tank top for days unless I have to put real clothes on to leave the house. So for me to feel extra sassy and sexy I will pull out the big guns, the false lashes, the vampy makeup and go to town and it inevitably makes me feel the part of the hot sexpot. Another thing that I generally save for sexy time is the heels. I am a flip flops kind of girl in my every day life. Very (VERY!!!) rarely do I wear any sort of high heel or something other than my flip flops. But I have an impressive collection of heels that are saved for date nights and sexy time, again it all plays into how I feel about myself and there is a direct result in how I interact with my husband because of it.
Hygiene is a huge thing for me because if I don't feel like I've had time to freshen up, chances are there will be no sexy time happening until I'm able to have that time. One thing that I've started to keep around is sexy time wipes, they are super to just freshen up real quick if you find yourself having a few minutes before kids get home from school or whatever the case may be ;).
Now, go get your sexy on ladies!
The most important piece of advice I could give someone is to 'just do you'. A thousand women will give you a thousand different pieces of advice on how you should be/do/look/act/sound/smell but none of that matters if you aren't comfortable in your skin and being yourself.
The big thing to take away from this post, would be that no matter how long you've been married or what circumstances you find yourself in - be the best version of yourself, even if you are 'faking it til you make it'. I've had those times where I didn't exactly feel my sexiest but I knew that connecting on a physical level was important to my marriage and I can say, there has never been a time I've regretted making that connection that is only shared between me and my husband.